Get this, the theatre is wonderful. It’s an experience like none else. However, there are still some severe pet peeves that really threaten to drive me to my deathbed. Yes, I am going to be that guy and bicker about theatre etiquette.
1. Coming In Late.
You know when the show starts, try to be at the theatre at least 30 minutes before the show starts. Nobody is going to wait for you and no one wants to see you crouch down as your shadow crosses the stage or worse, squeeze between people to get to your seat.
2. Taking up way too much room.
Sit on your seat like a normal person. Don’t stretch your arms out, cross your legs or do any other weird crap. And under no circumstances take up both armrests. One each. Stay in your lane. Personal space is important, even in the theatre.
3. Being on your phone.
I don’t care what emergency you are having; turning your phone on is an atmosphere killer. It is distracting, disrespectful and irritating.
4. Talking.
You went to the theatre to listen to someone else’s dialogue. Shut your mouth. The actors are talking, that’s what’s important. As soon as you enter the auditorium, zip. Don’t wait for the show to start. Just shut up. After the show, you can discuss the plot and share your thoughts on the show with your friends, just not in between the show. Lock those lips.
5. Public Display of Affection or PDA
Why? Going to see a play might be an excellent idea for a date, but please, get a room. We go to the theatre to watch other people pretend to like each other, not to be made uncomfortable by your PDA in the front row.
6. Taking bathroom breaks.
Bathroom breaks are for people 13 and younger. Or probably senior citizens- because obviously ageing has its ups and downs. Young adults, I don’t need to keep pressing against my chair to let you navigate back and forth. Use the bathroom prior to the show or during intervals. If there are no intervals, suck it up.
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Oh, right. Thank goodness you warned us about some theatre patrons who might be displaying their affection publicly way too much. My siblings and I plan to watch a stage play during our stay in Pittsburgh next weekend. I’ll keep this reminder in mind once I’ve secured tickets from the right organizer.